Monday, April 25, 2011

Reading Music

Just a quick (maybe not so quick) post just to inform everyone/anyone who reads this blog that my blog posts will be slowing down for this week or two because:

a. I ran out of books (although thankfully, I borrowed two more today, although it's negated because:)
b. I'm going to focus on that book review that's long overdue for Into The Book.

Plus, I'm supposed to be really busy, but I'm just trying to find the time. It's all about priorities after all(:

I also re-started piano lessons today, and it's rather scary how accurately Aunty Florence can read my character from my piano playing. Today's lesson was half pep talk and half scales(: And I realised how much I miss scales, because they're so constant for me.

One thing that I really remember, is that Aunty Florence was telling me how I'm not an emotional person, which is why I can't play romantic pieces like Chopin and Debussy. And she's totally right, and probably the first person to realise it without me telling them.

I suppose it may be because I'm the first born (Compliant First Born?) and I'm really scared of being reprimanded, so from young, I've more or less trained myself to try and behave 'correctly'. And I realise it, because when I'm angry, although I do blow up sometimes, I normally just scold the person in my head. And whether I do lose my temper depends on how well I know the person (Which is another point she made, that I'm easily thrown by unfamiliar environments and situations).

But if you tell my friends, they're probably going to go into shock. Because I behave in a very affectionate, emotional way. I remember once last year, when I was simply thinking on the way to a Church camp, but my fake brother thought that I was depressed because I was neither reading nor talking. Weird how you can classify behaviour isn't it? But I really think that it's my MG training, because honestly, I prefer solitude. Yet, I crave affection. It's a paradox isn't it? But whenever I wonder about paradoxes, I'm reminded of GK Chesterton, who wrote something about how Christianity is born out of the paradox, the clash. I'm pretty sure it was him, who made the difference between the Buddhist symbol, which he described as a snake with it's tail in it's mouth, in order words, a never ending circle that it stagnant and cannot change. And the cross, which at it's heart is a clash, but has the potential to continually grow outwards.

But back to music. I haven't played in very long, and it feels so good to touch the ivory keys again, even if it's only scales. Or maybe because it's scales, because I've always found a comfort in it. I have problems with my pieces, to be specific, with the expression. I think it's because reading music requires you to give something of yourself when you play it, and because I'm innately reserved, it's hard for me to do. Reading books, while require your involvement, don't seem to require so much of me as playing the piano. Perhaps it's because when you play, you're revealing part of yourself, even if no one is around.

So yes, I'll be away for a short while. But I hope to be back soon(:

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